It has been awhile. Life has kept me away from the keyboard, and entangled me in daily routine. I did have a day of retreat in there, at a very refreshing seminar. The speaker reminded me to let go of that guilty feeling I get when it comes to taking a bit of time to myself. Can you relate?

At times it seems we live a paradox. On one hand, it’s this push for being productive, reaching goals, taking every opportunity we can…NEVER stopping. While the other hand screams “slow down and smell the flowers”, take a break, you deserve “me” time. Some peers think it’s funny. I find it oppressive. I know the goal, utopian if you ask me, is to find balance.
Some days I pretend it doesn’t bother me, but it does. I keep asking myself why it’s so hard to stick to a routine of setting aside some solitude?!! Especially when I actually use that time to do something I love, and absolutely enjoy?
In my hiatus from writing I cleaned my closet and went through my high heel shoes. I have 3 pairs of black pumps. They are each a bit different in size. One has a platform, so they are the highest. When I stand on any pair I feel a bit clumsy. It’s the heel. I wore high heels more in my early twenties before I moved to the countryside and had babies.
I love stilettos. I think they put every woman’s body parts in place. They make you taller, slender, lift your booty in place, and balance your curves or your lack thereof. They make your outfit sophisticated or chic. Stilettos are like an instant boost of confidence, to me at least.
So I played dress up with my barely used dresses and shoes for a while. My youngest daughter joined me, and we had a few good belly laughs!!
Perhaps my stilettos remind me of that younger chick I miss at times. The one who visited the beach every other week, went to the movies often, wasn’t worried about accomplishing a great deal of things, but WAS more in tune with living and loving people.
It is easier to walk with heels on the sidewalk, then on the grass. However, there are these amazing heels called wedges that allow you to stand tall and evenly. No risk of sinking and falling flat on your face!

I have been wearing my wedges more often lately, and making myself spend some solo time. It isn’t pleasant at times I must confess. This alone time is an inward exercise some days, where I lay down all my insecurities and the ugliness of my heart to my creator. It’s a time when I ask for wisdom to walk confidently in the shoes I wear now.
Some days I stomp because it’s winter and I want to wear flip-flops instead of boots. Other days I am incredibly content with wearing rubber boots and dancing in the rain. But every day, I ask my Creator what shoes I should wear. If there is something I am scared, it’s that I’ll miss out on the plans He has designed for me.

I have not found balance yet. I am not sure I like that idea. I think I am more comfortable with the word rhythm. My “mom” says life is like a music playlist. The tunes and beats change here and there, and so we must adjust to keep dancing to the rhythm. Some days I long for the cement sidewalks and bi-weekly beach trips, but I would not want to miss the tune of this season. I just need to keep myself in check, and DO something that makes my heart skip to the beat— even under the world’s oppression of deadlines, must dos and expectations.
Perhaps I am a rebel who does not want to conform to what the world says I should do, think, buy, and believe. No! I refuse! I like dancing to my own beat. It is time to get the shoes out: stilettos, wedges, square heels, and shake it to the beat of MY song. I know there will be some slow dancing. I am sure there will be songs I might beg the DJ to change or skip. There are songs that will play over and over always bringing joy, and there will be songs I would rather not hear again.

It is in My Creator that I keep finding freedom, and He is the only DJ in my life that matters. So move over world! Here I come dancing away!! I may trip some days, I may learn some new moves, but I will keep showing up… I may bring some of you along.

Do love and shoes!

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 (NIV)