My friend Charlene and I caught up after two years. It was what I needed that night!
I finally wore my new winter boots! Recently, I went for an evening walk on the local trails. I clamped on my snowshoes over the grey boots, and set- off with my friend who I hadn’t seen in over two years. The night was mild; snow was packed and easy under our feet. The fresh air felt like a blood transfusion. With every step, I felt with a greater sense of peace and energy.
It has been a year since I had to slip- on the grief shoes.
Navigating grief is not an easy process. In my case, it is something that hits in waves. Unexpected. Sometimes grief is set- off by simple things, like watching an artist painting, or a mom and a daughter around my age, walking together at the mall browsing for Christmas gifts. I’ am not bitter about the soundtrack life has played for me. I’ am simply a human being that longs to feel loved and belonging. There are times when missing my mom is heightened. But that doesn’t mean I am depressed, or mad at the world because of her death. I miss her and that is okay.
I think is fine to miss your loved ones. It is good to shed a tear or two when we remember them. It is okay to sing out loud, and then weep as we listen to a song that takes us right back to them.
But it seems that this world wants to shut down anything that might showcase our weakness. It seems that if I miss or grieve a loved one; that I am automatically ungrateful, sappy, or need to be “‘fixed.”
What is up with that?!?! Yes, my broken in, grey, unappealing grief shoes are not my favourite, but they still have a place in my closet. I slip into them once in a while because they are part of the collection. Without this pair I would not value remembrance as much as I do now.
My only grey pair is actually my sneakers. I dance away with them!
Grief has taught me, especially this past year, that it has value. It is a process that humbles me to the realization that I am finite. It brings perspective about what I am doing with every day of my precious life. Grief should prompt us to live fearlessly. Read that? Fearlessly! Not with shame. Not feeling weak because we dared to cry, and scream for the loved ones we can no longer give a call or embrace.
Grieving is not a sign of weakness. We are not crazy or need fixed. I believe it is a process that can strengthen us and teach us valuable lessons. Of course, if channelled appropriately, and if we are not experiencing clinical depression, in which case medical consultation, behavioural therapy and drugs are vital. No shame in that either!
Grief is different for every person and it is one of those experiences when empathy is of great value, and brings people together.
I am not at all happy that I had to face grief more than once this past year. Nor that I had to see some of my loved ones struggling with it either. However, all those blisters and grey days have made me stronger and more courageous. Sharing the experience with others wearing the same shoes has given birth to new friendships, deeper connections and a sense of community.
Grief has also challenged me to look for ways to show empathy in a purposeful and meaningful way. It is not as complicated as we think. Many times it’s just a text, a hug, or simply “ I am here.” Sometimes we don’t need to be understood. A simple embrace is all we need.
It has also made me a little mad at the world and its obsession with the “peachy” idea of life. We are equipped with emotions that range from joy to fear, surprise, and anger, and contempt…and everyone in between.
Our Creator equipped us with all of the emotions we need to live life. We will use them all at certain times. Some emotions will in fact allow us to stay alive.
Using or experiencing the range of emotions freely only makes me what I am, human. Other people call this “real,” or authentic.
For me, as long as I balance emotions with the truth that my life has purpose, and that I belong to the Creator, my life is at peace.
Today is a grey, rainy day. The wind is blowing madly. I want to go back to bed and sleep. However, I am choosing to put on my sneakers and dance for an hour, so that the blues of grief shake away. This will leave me feeling stronger and happy to seize the day.
Shoes of the season.
I want to end this post by saying THANK YOU for reading, for giving me space in your head for a few minutes. It is my hope that you will feel encouraged by these words and help you to grow more empathy for your fellow human.
Now go on! Pick a pair of shoes, and walk on! It is a great day out there!
Do Love and Shoes!
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
1 Peter 5:10 NIV