I love shoes and shoe shopping is by far my favorite kind of outing. I have been looking for a pair of black pumps for a while. My black wedges, Mary-Jane style pair is begging to be replaced. On Sunday I went on a hunt for such a pair.

I looked in five different shoe stores and tried on different pairs. As I tried on shoes there wasn’t real excitement, which took me by surprise. I kept looking, trying on; modeling different styles, and all I could think was, “none of them are like my old ones!.”

Over an hour later I decided on a pair that met two of the three characteristics, black and wedge heel. They have a rounded toe and a small design on top, but not the Mary-Jane strap. They are plain. I am still doubtful about them.

I hauled my new pair out and slipped them on this morning to try them again. Nothing new happened. I don’t feel excited about them. They are what I thought I wanted, and definitely what I need, but not what excites me. This got me to think about the discomfort I’ve been struggling with over the past few months. I have spent numerous days thinking about what I want to do now? Questioning where my life is going?

I secretly disliked the couple weeks after Christmas when everyone was talking about the New Year. I even exclaimed on one of my Facebook status “what are you dreaming of people? Do it!” This was a shout directed at my brain, hoping it would start dreaming again. It has not.

I have wondered for awhile if my current shoes fit anymore. Sometimes that monkey of insecurities jumps in and whispers that my feet are now too small for this world. I have weathered the “working moms” who say my current shoes are so easy and comfortable. I have smiled back at those who have offered me shoes that I may like, but are not the right size or for the right season.

Today, as I tried those black wedge pumps, I realized I do not know which shoes I want to wear next. The thought of not knowing is frightening. I am a “doer”. I live in the doing, making, and going. I have several pairs of shoes to prove it. I can switch from running shoes to dancing heels in no time. I can trade flip flops for snowshoes in the same week without missing a beat. I can be a mom in the morning, a Spanish tutor in the afternoon, and a hot date for my husband in the evening- all in the same day.

So, pausing and being barefoot, is scary.

All this made me think about Cinderella and how she waited so confidently for her glass slipper. (There! I have been watching girly movies lately!) She had this unwavering hope that her life would turn out well because she had found love. She knew that glass slipper was tailor made. It only fit her.

I have the same hope. Not because I have a prince. I have a Creator. I know there is a dream and a purpose that has been tailor made for me, coming at the perfect time. However, waiting for this next pair is not easy. It has made me assess myself, looking at my strengths and weaknesses. Showing me how much I have grown in the past years. It has pushed me to think about what is important to me, who I want to walk with and why. I have wrestled with my confidence for months, but this has not altered my identity.

I am still me. My feet are the same size and I still can be versatile. My creator loves me and has a perfect plan for my life. This morning I finally shouted to myself that it is good to be still, to be barefoot.

The glass slipper will arrive at the right time. My brain will burst with dreams again. A new challenge, purpose, and passion will turn up.

I promised myself today, again! I WILL put on JOY shoes faithfully every day to DELIGHT in this waiting time. I do not want to miss out on any of the shoes I get to wear while I wait. There is value in this season too. This conscious decision of staying home, bringing up children and managing our home is at times a bit repetitive and demanding but SO worth it. It is a 24/7 project that requires juggling priorities and incredible amounts of flexibility. It’s a training ground preparing me for the next step. At best I look at it as a privilege that will only last a few years.

I know many think this fairy tale of Cinderella is foolish. However, let’s not forget that she was right. No other person could take her place. No one could pretend to be her.

For me this is not about fate. It is about a promise made by My Creator. He is the faithful kind. He reminded me of two promises as I cried out: His plans are to prosper me, and He blesses those who wait on Him. It does not matter how little excitement I may feel some days about the shoes of that day. I owe it to Him to take my shoes off and lean in.

My glass slippers are in the making.

Do Love and shoes!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NLV

“Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” Isaiah 30:18 ESV