Posts Tagged ‘grief’

Surfing Shoes

These shoes may represent some of my emotions, imagine wearing them all at once.

 

This is a weird season. It reminds me of surfers who try to balance waves, speed, wind and look posed. There is this constant mix of emotions such as grief, joy, victory, sadness, apathy, disengagement, anxiousness, elation, and excitement—all at once. A close friend asked me a little while ago, “who do you trust?” as news of the second wave of COVID-19 started taking over the headlines on every screen we laid sight on. (more…)

Mismatched Shoes

Have you ever put on two shoes of the same foot? Or two different sizes? Or maybe two different styles? If you have not, let me invite you to go and try.

It’s a weird feeling to purposely put on mismatched shoes. It’s awkward. Even uncomfortable at first. But somehow, I can stand in these shoes. After a few steps, my mind adjusts to appreciate that I can still stand (provided I’m not wearing one stiletto and one croc). Better yet, I can walk, and even climb stairs. It’s cumbersome for sure, but I am still able to maneuver in order to walk and move. This is the best analogy I can come up with to describe what I have been feeling during the past weeks as I isolate with my crew.

(more…)

Tight Shoes

It has been a long pause around here. I discovered that my shoes were too tight, so I needed to rest my blistered feet. It’s not always an easy fix. Sometimes a simple Band-aid or even dramatically throwing out the shoes, and replacing them with new ones…aren’t the best solutions.

Nevertheless, now that my blisters are healing, and my skin is renewing, I can share what has happened and how I am moving onto better paths.

Have you ever outgrown your shoes? Or bought shoes that were a little tight under the promise of a salesperson claiming the shoes would stretch a little? I have. Sigh. After four pregnancies my shoe size grew, and although genuine leather shoes do stretch, sometimes not as much as I have been told.

The shoe analogy is just an easier way for me to begin sharing about the knots I have discovered in my mind and soul. Grief knocked me down once again this past summer and I have uncovered some bruises I thought had healed. Grief is weird like that! It assaults me when I don’t expect it, and though I know how to cope, at times it seems overwhelming.
Just like the shoes that were a little snug (that I convince myself I can make work), so is the grief that I don’t process properly. Instead I try to box it up and hide it away. We carry on till the blisters burst and we are left raw. (more…)

Shoes from my Mom

Charles Jourdan was my mom’s favorite shoe designer. I guess this taste for shoes is in my genes.

The wave of grief hit me as I drove back home after a very positive morning that included a meaningful conversation I had postponed for too long, buying a gift for my mother-in-law and a cheerful quick meeting with a dear friend. You see, Mother’s Day never fails to remind me that MY mom only lives in my memory. (more…)

Broken heels

stuck stilettoThe feeling of a broken heel is a distinct one. It’s more familiar to gals walking on city sidewalks, getting their shoes stuck in vents, on electric escalators or on public transit. But sometimes heels break because of a worn-out shoe or poor manufacturing or simply because we abuse them by running or jumping.

But the feeling! Sometimes it’s shame or embarrassment. Especially if you’re all dressed-up at an event. Now, if happening during the day it could be freeing as then you have the perfect reason to buy a new pair, or you may be able to repair them. However, the best scenario is when a friend saves you from embarrassment by doing one of two things: taking her shoes off and going barefoot so that you’re not alone, or lends you a pair of her shoes so that you can carry on.

That last possible scenario is a good illustration of empathy; a word I have learned a lot about in this last decade. (more…)

The grey pair

My friend Charlene and I caught up after two years. It was what I needed that night!

My friend Charlene and I caught up after two years. It was what I needed that night!

I finally wore my new winter boots! Recently, I went for an evening walk on the local trails. I clamped on my snowshoes over the grey boots, and set- off with my friend who I hadn’t seen in over two years. The night was mild; snow was packed and easy under our feet. The fresh air felt like a blood transfusion. With every step, I felt with a greater sense of peace and energy.

It has been a year since I had to slip- on the grief shoes.
(more…)

Icy Road

Another hit. The phone rang again this past week. This time, my godmother broke the news of my cousin’s passing- at only 41 years old. It caught me off guard. I had received word about my uncle’s death just a couple of weeks ago, so I thought grief would give me a break for a while.

Those grief shoes slipped on again. (more…)

Doing love defeats grief.

Today is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. It does not matter if it is sunny, snowy or rainy. There is something about Sunday that is relaxing and puts my mind at ease.
It is cloudy, milder than usual for January. I would be in bed reading under the covers if it were not for the duty of looking after three kids and a playdate friend. So, I sit here writing this, pretending I am watching them, because I am finally starting what has been a dream for years. (more…)